When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
