I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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