There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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