In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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