I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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