That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
