get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
