Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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