Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want her autograph on my taint
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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