I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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