You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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