she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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