i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
