If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
