it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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