I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
