Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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