Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
