she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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