I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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