My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
