Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
