I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.