I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying