I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito