Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.