I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.