Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
