There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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