You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
