Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
