I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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