My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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