rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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