ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
