Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We need to rekindle our bromance
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
