I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Drake has all the answers
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
