Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need a burrito and a hug.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm like, not good at living.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
