Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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