I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
