My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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