if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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