dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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