girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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