dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
