I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
