I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
