My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life