Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.

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  (770): Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much. http://tfl.nu/renf
  Replies (23) Good night (839) Bad night (4482)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her

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  (678): SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her http://tfl.nu/v70p
  Replies (20) Good night (3026) Bad night (4390)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello

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  (585): Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello http://tfl.nu/squi
  Replies (17) Good night (1124) Bad night (9812)
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  (+65): View more from

  No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.

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  (+65): No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car. http://tfl.nu/46mc
  Replies (20) Good night (4681) Bad night (1232)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat

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  (214): so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat http://tfl.nu/flbd
  Replies (3) Good night (2492) Bad night (1107)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.

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  (570): knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that. http://tfl.nu/tu47
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (1263)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy

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  (864): turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy http://tfl.nu/uoz8
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (1367)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk

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  (443): Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk http://tfl.nu/uult
  Replies (1) Good night (1296) Bad night (624)
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  (631): View more from New York

  does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?

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  (631): does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you? http://tfl.nu/fswy
  Replies (6) Good night (1624) Bad night (787)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.

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  (724): Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful. http://tfl.nu/ytjz
  Replies (2) Good night (1321) Bad night (641)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.

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  (801): When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw. http://tfl.nu/4mnb
  Replies (9) Good night (1200) Bad night (517)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.

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  (603): I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused. http://tfl.nu/l3qm
  Replies (6) Good night (1320) Bad night (567)
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  (+58): View more from

  James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.

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  (+58): James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes. http://tfl.nu/8mur
  Replies (14) Good night (1027) Bad night (478)
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  (805): View more from California

  It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

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  (805): It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT! http://tfl.nu/78gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1504) Bad night (611)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.

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  (903): The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it. http://tfl.nu/qrrf
  Replies (1) Good night (686) Bad night (355)

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