This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.