There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.