i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now