Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

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  (804): You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world. http://tfl.nu/i0as
  Replies (13) Good night (2542) Bad night (1046)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'll bet she douches with gravy.

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  (937): I'll bet she douches with gravy. http://tfl.nu/j4az
  Replies (6) Good night (787) Bad night (3288)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  put a dollar in it?

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  (319): umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do (1-319): put a dollar in it? http://tfl.nu/6gdy
  Replies (14) Good night (1372) Bad night (4698)
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  (925): View more from California

  I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

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  (925): I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard. http://tfl.nu/47cs
  Replies (13) Good night (3330) Bad night (1582)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.

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  (608): The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well. http://tfl.nu/1rx6
  Replies (8) Good night (5833) Bad night (966)
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  (209): View more from California

  You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.

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  (209): You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him. http://tfl.nu/xni0
  Replies (15) Good night (4136) Bad night (1561)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.

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  (407): I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex. http://tfl.nu/84ml
  Replies (34) Good night (5485) Bad night (1175)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?

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  (+44): I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions? http://tfl.nu/vtab
  Replies (7) Good night (2700) Bad night (1034)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.

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  (517): In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast. http://tfl.nu/cv6o
  Replies (4) Good night (2667) Bad night (1200)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.

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  (321): If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted. http://tfl.nu/92nu
  Replies (4) Good night (2278) Bad night (863)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...

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  (908): Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night... http://tfl.nu/qo8t
  Replies (5) Good night (1162) Bad night (668)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces

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  (603): You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces http://tfl.nu/ks18
  Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (555)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.

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  (270): So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/84fm
  Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (395)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.

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  (713): Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face. http://tfl.nu/94fq
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (573)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich

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  (309): Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich http://tfl.nu/oepv
  Replies (2) Good night (443) Bad night (241)

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