I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
