there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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