dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
