I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
