I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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