her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize