sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
