I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
