end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
