this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My breath smells like gin and sadness
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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