i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
