she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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