He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
