i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
