yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
