How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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