this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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