You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
