after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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