You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
