Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
