is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
